I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
