she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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