i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
