there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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