I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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