Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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