i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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