If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
