You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
