awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
