We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
