After last night, I could never be a politician.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
