walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
