im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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