Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
God, I missed his penis.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
