Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
