why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
