it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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