Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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