He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
