Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
