I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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