Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
