Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
