you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
