So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
