I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
