I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
