I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
