forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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