lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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