if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
