He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
