that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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