I met the friendliest cop last night
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
