I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
