I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
