We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
