You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
