I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
