Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I am available for nakedness
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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