remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
