I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
