You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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