see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think i got beer on your cat.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
