We're facebook friends in real life
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
