She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
