You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
