You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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