Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
