2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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